As It Goes Down...

When I or they say "One Down!" I mean the things I should be doing like beating the deadline and beating the anxiety I feel when I get all the pressures - results of having a psychological imbalances (my own diagnosis, of course. But seems like "One Down" means I am going down, too! What is this?! Please sponsor my appointment to the psychiatrist! Waha!

A Barrio Teacher (No! No! Not Really!)

It's been almost a month since I was deployed (If deployed is the right word)as a substitute teacher to a far flung barrio here in our town, Taminla. Taminla is about 30 minutes away from the town proper where I live. With the travel time, it is much nearer compared to going to the city. But, if I were to choose, I still have to choose going to the city because of a simple reason that the road is paved. Haha! What would you expect from a barangay road?

I never thought I would be teaching in this place so far. (Taminla is situated beside Palangguia and Tina, Pototan; Hinalinan, Dingle; and Sariri, Badiangan. The barangay is also near Calinog and Lambunao.) At first, I was hesitant to take it since it's too far and I don't know any person living there. If there is, I have seen them at least ten years ago and may not be living there anymore. But, then, after some advice, I took the offer.

My first day was a little misadventure. Our driver and I didn't know the right way going there so, there are times that we got lost and the best part was when we passed in a puddle and Splash! my khaki pants turned brown. Isn't that nice? That time I was already thinking of quitting. But it never happened.

I soon find out, a few days later that I was actually enjoying it there. The kids are so polite, friendly and though they may not seem to be as smart as the kids in the city, they have a lot more determination to learn compared to the privileged ones. They are also easy to be told and are more obedient.

The teachers were also accommodating that you would feel so welcome and immediately feel comfortable towards the school.

But what's unique to this place and that I find interesting is that it has an ATI Settlement. There are two tribes of Atis here but has only one chieftain. And though Atis are nomadic, the Atis of Taminla are otherwise (a bit). However,no matter how they try not to be nomadic, their way of living are still primitive and seems like time has left them somewhere and never to progress.

There are others also, who has lived like the uta's (non-Ati peopel). And when they are taught, they tend to have a better life, too.

OK. Enough of Ati talk first. I'll discuss it on the next blog.

I learned to love the kids. It was not hard to like them. They're all the same kids like the other kids I know. Only that, of course, the lifestyle are far, far different. I learned also to appreciate more of simper things (but would rather have still the complicated life).

I would love to teach there. But I also have my selfish side. I think I can't live there. Honestly, I am and will not be used to that kind of a very simple community. I am used to a life in a town and the city. But maybe, maybe, I could live in a rural community. As long as there is Cable TV, an internet connection, an easy access to the malls, a branch of Coffee Break, a house very similar to my house, my friends living there (the list goes on and on...)

REMEBERING NANA THELMA (WE WILL MISS YOU, NANA)

I am heartbroken.

Nana, our longtime "mayordoma" who served our family longer than I live, has died this morning. I can't describe no longer what I feel except confusion. I feel the saddest at this moment but I also feel regretful and also a little hatred. But among these things I feel, I pity Nana.

Nana has worked hard all her life and for sure had never tasted the comfort of life other people, including us, has experienced. Although we have shared with her some of what we had in our comfort, it was not enough.

We love Nana, for real. Why not? In the absence of our mother when we were studying in the city, Nana was the one taking care of us. She saw us growing up and she saw all the sorrows and joys we had experienced in the family. Although, to some people who have known her, she may seem like a shadow in our family , but to us Nana will have the best part in our lives.

Nana sacrificed a lot for her own family. In order to save her sisters and grandchildren from severe hunger, at her age (70+, she herself don't know her birthday)she still worked and earn money for them. Worse, her nieces and nephew whom she sent to school had not even tried to support her. She could have stayed in her house and waited for the help of these people. But never. I remembered, just this Christmas, when I gave her a gift she was so thankful and even cried because of hurt she felt towards these people. I was almost teary-eyed at that time, too.

Nana and I had sometimes fantasies about the future. We would talk about the time when we (my siblings and I)would become rich and build a bigger house. I told her that I would really reserve a room for her where she could stay and servants would someday serve her. But these would never happen now. Never.

As soon as I knew that Nana has died, I felt lot of regrets. In the past few days that she was feeling all the pain the cancer has given her, we never spared a time to visit her and just even say Thank You to her. Every time I think of this, I feel like exploding. What must Nana be thinking until the time she succumbed to death? Did she feel bad about us when we never even visited her?

Financially, we are down too, right now. But compared to her we are more fortunate. But we never did help her with the money she could have needed. We are all jobless, but these are not reasons not to help her. I feel very very bad right now. If my apologies could be heard by someone who did, I will keep on saying SORRY to Nana. But Nana will never hear it anymore. But still I would say, Nana, I AM VERY SORRY.

Everything I have written here is not enough to tell all about Nana. But in my heart, Nana will always be Nana. And in my heart, I know Nana has done a lot to us. More than a lot.

Nana, we thank you for all the sacrifices you had given to us. Thank you for taking care of us for the past 20 years. Thank you for treating us like we were your children. Thank you for all the laughter you had shared wit us. Thank you for all the things you had done to us. Without you, we could have been different persons. With all honesty, we love you Nana. Nobody could replace you in our hearts.

We will miss you, Nana. We will.

Trash Bin

I can't write anything. Or I thought so.

I was thinking for a long while what to put right here on my blog but nothing comes into my mind. Everything that pops out of my mind is about my new job, if you call that a job at these moments. It's been three weeks that I go under training, although we were promised it should only be two weeks. Ugh! I don't want to talk about it now. I want to stay positive and I chose this job so I need to treat this better.


Do I need to talk again my daily trips, Dueñas to City (vice versa)? Maybe. I'll try.


Or if I start facing my new students, I could talk about them. We'll try and see.


Just now, I can't come up with anything.

Back to School with 5% Agony

I'm officially enrolled! Yes, I am! After more than two weeks managing my impatience I'm finally relieved to know that I could go back to school, but not as a teacher but as a student.

I am taking up a Master's degree at "some" university here in Iloilo. I enrolled in a major I thought I would enjoy but because of some reasons that I could not openly tell it here, to avoid such embarrassment (chos!). So, last AY 2008-09, I decided to shift to another major. I wrote a letter to the dean, talked to my adviser and asked permission from classmates. Everything was fine, the dean approved the request and I changed major successfully. However, I was absent without a leave (AWOL) for that whole year! Well, it served me not that quite difficult but annoying results a year later.

AY 2009-2010. Even without enough money and happily jobless, I decided to go back study. But since my status is AWOL, they gave a few but patience-testing (that's on my own opinion, I don't know you with you) things to do. First, I have to write a letter requesting for readmission. It might not be that difficult to write a letter but what's difficult is that you can't give any strong reasons except that I got lazy for the enrolment last year plus I was too afraid of frequent absences in my former school. Isn't it difficult. Anyways, I found good reasons and my request was approved - after waiting for one week when the enrolment would be on that week too.

Knowing that my request was approved, I went to school and started my enrolment. They gave me a Physical Exam request slip, had the P.E., (which after this enrolment would be a lot easier), returned to the office and filled up a contact information slip. I was hopeful I could finish the enrolment that day. But, @#$%^!, they forgot to tell me I have to pass another form. A request to credit my advanced subjects in triplicate. But there's nothing I can do but follow or else I'll be left AWOL forever. But the agony was just about to start.

After filling up, I let all the people sign who needs to sign in the request and then they would bring it to the campus far from the city. "Call after two days." They said. Well, I really called two days after then another two days and yet another two days, only to find out they forgot to bring it to the Dean's office. Another *&%$#@! The agony of waiting pumped my impatience to a level where I got nervous every time I think about it. I don't want to wait another year. But luckily before the deadline, the request was back and I continued my enrolment. Whew! After less than 2 hours, my printed RF was stamped with REGISTERED. Yahoo! I mean Google! No, really, Yahoo! Ok! Yehey!

Must Be Trapped in the Net or Else...

I had been lazy for a few days opening this blog and thinking what to write. I got bored. Plus, I get tired always because I keep on going back to the city. And the shitty plus is that the broadband was broken and I can't open both the Internet Explorer and Mozilla Firefox. Grrrr! I felt like I'm not connected to the rest of the world those times.

I tried to find out what's wrong with both the programs. Every time I open the Firefox, it keeps telling me that "during the operation, Mozilla has crashed and needs to restart". So I kept on restarting it. Sending the error to the net (for Explorer) but to no avail. Waaaaah! What did I do next? I deleted/removed the Firefox hoping I could reinstall it. Then I checked the installer in the Program Files, and, tada! It was nowhere to be found. I panicked for awhile and felt cold. But whew! I remembered Explorer is still there.

Next step, I called the the Internet provider's office. I called the Manila Hotline and they gave me the Visayas number. OK! This could be it. In a day or two, if I get connected to the customer service, the Net would be reconnected ASAP. But darn! I called the whole day but the answers I got are Cebuano-speaking people who are also trying to call the customer service! What's happening? "Hilo? ***** ni? Gatawag man ako sa ****. Operator ini dong? "There even was one who told me she is calling from US. That time I had made a lot of "phone pals" but never reached the real customer service officer. I ended up hot headed.

I kept on checking the Net from time to time but the same thing and information keeps popping out. I did all changes in my Internet and Connection Settings, with all the fear that I will end up destroying the computer. But I'm becoming impatient. I have to check my mail! My blog! My facebook and friendster! (Wahaha!) I felt like my world stopped for five days. But on the other hand, without the Net we'll open the desktop for a few hours only and then we could save energy and our electric bill would at least moderate.

However, I began to wonder when the Yahoo Messenger began to operate and I can download from Limewire. So, I thought maybe, there was really something with both the programs. I kept online in YM and waited for somebody who knew about such things. I kept on asking these people to send me via YM an installer of both FireFox and Explorer. But still the programs they sent won't work.

After all those travails, I gave up and waited for a miracle.

After exactly a week, I tried to open again the Explorer. And wham! It opened with no sweat! Ugh! After that, I forgot all the madness and anger. I was so relieved that now, I'm back and won't be away from the world most people are enjoying. (Serious ba!)
And here am I. Alive and kicking!

And I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing... (Regine Velasquez belting out the song)

As I said before, I would enjoy the freedom I'm having right now. And yes, I am still.

However, in spite of this, I also realized that I would also miss a lot of things back in the city. (See, I'm a having a semi-bucolic life nowadays.) Really lots of things.

1. The tricycles in Ledesco. I would miss this because this is the transportation that would bring me to my job. Strange in a city which has a law that prohibits tricycles. But, you see, I'm not working in the city proper. But, strangely also, the subdivision where the school I'm teaching is, is in a semi-exclusive subdivision where upper middle class people are working. Of course, you should expect that most people own cars here.


What I would miss about this, actually, is the feeling of embarrassment ,sometimes, because while us, teachers are riding a tricycle, our students are enjoying their air-conditioned cars (which are changed every few months) but at the same time feeling proud that after all these, they would still envy my freedom while them, locked in their wealthy but sometimes suspicious world.

2. The barbecue. Yes, we have barbecues here at our town but it tastes different from the tocino barbecue sold at the barbecue stands in front of the WVSU hospital. FYI, my sister, Mahal, my cousin Makmak and I eat these 3-peso/stick BBQ's almost every night as a partner to our rice. And we never get tired though, actually, there are a lot of karinderyas around. We would never miss a week that we will not buy these. I don't know what these BBQ vendors put in the BBQ they sell that we crave for it all the time.


3. The West McDo. Every time we feel bored in our room and my roommates (my sister and my cousin) don't have money to go for a night-out (no, I don't go with them!), our last option? Of course, the McDonald's near WVSU. If we're P50 richer! He he! Food options we buy: Sundae, P25; The 50-peso Value McSavers and McFloat. Other than those, we're broke. But if we can't afford McDo, we opted #4 which is..



4. Julie's. This is a 24-hour bakery. And we're very thankful that they decided to do so because sometimes we would feel so hungry at the middle of the night and Julie's would be there for us. Huh! Julie's should be thankful for customers like us.


5. Internet Cafes. If books are not available and Merrily (my other best friend in and out of job) and I got money for SM and Robinson's, the best way to spend our boring nights is the Internet Cafes. Thanks to A&S and Digitizers. They never fail to entertain us and sometimes, for letting us spend our money for unproductive surfing. Sometimes, however, if these places are full, we would do cafe hunting.

These are just few of the things I would surely miss in the city. There are a lot more to enumerate. Find out more in the next few days...

(To be continued...)